Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Shadow Zone (TO BE REVISED!)

My cry is justified by the thunder,
but will my name be remembered?

My wounds are caused by the words that rip constantly,
but will my legacy be remembered?

My sorrow is being swallowed by the lustful darkness,
but will my memories by remembered?

Throughout my tedious life, I have searched for these answers.
But I couldn't find any--not one answer.
I still search, I search until my heart gives way,
Until I can not continue any further.
Until the black pits of hell have frozen over, By God I will not stop!
And if I'm killed by the questions like a cancer,
I shall be buried with the sounds of the answer.
And in this earth that I called my home.
Devours my sacred light and become just a demonic shadow zone.


mike said...

Good stuff. Your last stanza could be tightened up a bit and the rhyming couplets at the end are--perhaps--unnecessary. Can we talk about this poem?

Otherwise I think that it is very Baudelaireesque. Real potential here!

Laura said...

Sorry I don't think I know any big words like Baudelaireesque, which I must go look up now. Having said that I really love this poem, Mike is right the last stanza needs work. The pics are also really great. how did you do the one above the poem? keep writing i am looking forward to reading on in Prince Trase's Kingdom.

mariposa said...

Hey! I really like your poems - they're so deep. This poem reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from a movie:

"Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity, and so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone? And wonder who we were? How bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?" - Troy

& thanks for commenting on my blog!

Laura said...

Wow, I guess its lucky for me Mike didn't require a Graduate assistant with a good working vocabulary!! Turns out Baudelaireesque is not a word after all! Of course you knew that already. So I learned something!! I learned a bit about Charles Baudelair. Keep on writing Travis :)

mike said...

Travis, I would like your permission to use this piece in Whitman Sampler Vol.II. Also, are you interested in going with us to a broadway show on Friday after the trip to Chelsea?