Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Now, normally the clock wouldn't tick like this.
The sound pounding in my head, with disfunctional bliss.
Now, this isn't fragmented, but its broken up.
With annoying ticks and tocks--I had enough!
Now, normally it wouldn't go this fast,
The time is slipping away, into the deadly synchronized past.
Time is Running Out....
Is Running Out...
OUT OF TIME...
Monday, October 27, 2008
He leans up in the bed and looks at his clock: It's blinking 12:00.
"Wow, the electricity just went out?" he asks himself. With a shrugged of his shoulders and shrewdly wipes the sweat off with his pajama sleeve. He lays back down and stares at the ceiling. The ceiling contains old stickers from his sister's past. She had past away two years prior and he sheepishly wanted to keep her room. He watched as his eyes went to the sticker of her favorite cartoon character, Yo-yo Bean. She was a chubby dinosaur with a huge yo-yo. His sister who always carry the stuffed figure of Yo-yo Bean. It irritated Ulrick, but that was his little sister's first friend. He smiled at the thought and moved on to the next sticker. It was halfway ripped and was glow-in-the-dark. He remembered it being his sister's airplane sticker. He had given it to her when they saw the movie "Mayday!" She didn't like that movie, but Ulrick forced her to watch it. That same night, he slapped the sticker on her ceiling and she tried her best to peel it off. It was a foolish attempt, therefore she was as short as his leg. But in a surprising leap, she managed to grab half of it with her nail.
"Wow, you can jump." Ulrick remembered saying.
"Shut up, you big loser!" his sister yelled back.
He smiled again and sighed. He loved his sister, loved her a lot. So much that he wished she was here right about now.
He blinked and turned at the clock again: It was still blinking 12:00.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
That motherfucker didn't stop!
I mean, BOOM, it just went!
Like a spec in the wind; just blew to another dimension!"
-A hunter talking to his buddy. (That deer didn't like bullets)
"I was like:
'What the fuck? Why won't it stop?'
I tried to restart the whole thing, but it didn't work.
I banged on it a couple of times but it kept on going!"
-A Ipod customer, explaining his story with his malfunctioning Ipod.
"Like, you know when your brain hurts?
And your like: 'Ow, why won't it stop?'
And it just keeps hurting?
All you have to do is take, like, this red pill.
I forget what's it called....
I think it's, like, Advil. And your brainache is, like, gone!"
-A girl (perhaps from Valley Stream, just joking!) talking to one of her friends.
"This staircase won't stop!
It feels like I'm in a nightmare.
Yeah, a nightmare where the Energizer bunny keeps chasing me.
It just keeps going and going!"
-Me, when I was walking down that endless staircase on the Brooklyn trip (Below)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Have you ever thought about the reason why your heart jumps to your throat every time that certain situation comes around?
I have and I still don't know the exact reason. Now, I know that I'm a modest guy. I look around me and I see guys who can think on their feet about getting a woman of their choice. I guess you can see where this blog is heading toward.
I remember when I was small, every time when a girl would say hi to me I would hesitate before saying hi back. Why have I done that? As I got older, girls started to call me "ugly" and "blacker than charcoal" and what not. And it hurt, it hurt really badly. I mean, I felt like crawling into a ball and crying. And that's what they wanted I guess, and I fell for it. Those words kept coming at me, hitting me at every angle. Like rain pelting on someone who has no umbrella; I just drench. And with that wetness, I developed a cold, so-to-speak. This cold stayed with me until I got to junior high, and high school.
The same story, one in particular had me gasping for air. I was walking down the hall one day. I was heading toward my typing class. As I walked past this girl, I saw her turned her head. I mean, I saw it on the corner of my eye. And I heard her say, "He's grotesque." The word hit me hard, but it confused me. It confused me so much that I had to look it up. And when I read the definition I was like, "Damn, I'm that ugly?" And I knew it was low of me to say that about myself, but that's how I felt. And all these images of the people calling me those same horrible words came flooding back.
And all this had added up. I really couldn't compete with the harshness of those memories. One of my favorite bands, Disturbed, made song (Pain Redefined) that had a line saying: "Memories don't lie, you know better then, memories don't lie." And they don't, these memories inflicted true pain on me. It still hurts to this day.
I really can't go on with this blog, tears are falling from my eyes. Ha ha, the things I do to express myself, right?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
This blog is late, but I wanted to show you guys some of my favorite things.
The 1st for presentation will be my 30GB Ipod. My God I love this thing. Only the coolest songs are able to go on here. My favorite bands like Korn, Disturbed, Papa Roach, and more are in this Ipod. I can't imagine what will happen if I lose this kid. And when the battery is dead--can't find my charger....WOW, a whole new story. But I also got some other stuff in there. Like my novels and things for school. So it's a music drive and flash drive. Some people didn't even know that you can use an Ipod as a flash drive.
The 2nd thing I would like to show you people are my ties. Now, my mom says that I dress very conservatively. She's right in a way. Most people ask me when I'm wearing a collar shirt and slacks, "Why are you dressing up?" I then look at myself and shake my head, "I'm not dressing up. This is what I like to wear." So far, I haven't worn a tie, but as the year progresses I will be wearing some of those flashy cloths for all to see.
The 3rd thing will be my earrings. And I know some people are like: "Wow, this kid is a girl!" But I must admit that my earrings mean something to me. They are a symbol of something deep, something that I would explain later in my blog. But I'll tell you that not everyone is self confident at times.
The 4th thing is the Webster's Dictionary. Wow, when I'm writing my novels I'm looking this book up and down. Whether it's to find a new word or to just pass the time. I find myself looking up words to make a new character in my novels. For example, I needed a name for a monster. Monsters are originally sinister, so I was looking for a sinister name. And I came across this:
Cacophonous: A harsh, metal grinding sound.
And I was like, "Wow, that's perfect." So I made a beast who's cry will paralyze everybody who hears it. And it can also destroy glass and bend metal. Pretty cool huh? So this is why the Webster's Book of Words is one of my favorite things.
5th on the list is one of my poetry books. Good Poems by Garrison Keillor was given to me by my Poetry Club adviser before I left my high school. For that, it means a lot to me. In this book they have poems from various poets like Emily Dickinson and Langston Hughes. They also have some from people I haven't heard of. To be honest, I haven't taken a in depth look at the book, but I will when I'm low on ideas. Hehehe, I'm such a theft.
Last but not least, my novels. I am fully dedicated to these books. I feel that I can finish them in a week's time, but I know that it will take a long time. My hope for the future is to become a great novelist and be loved by adoring fans. It sounds childish, but that what i hope for. I know will great supporters and myself included, I can become this novelist.
Well, here are my favorite things. I hoped you enjoyed! Comment me and share some of your favorite things!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
My cry is justified by the thunder,
but will my name be remembered?
My wounds are caused by the words that rip constantly,
but will my legacy be remembered?
My sorrow is being swallowed by the lustful darkness,
but will my memories by remembered?
Throughout my tedious life, I have searched for these answers.
But I couldn't find any--not one answer.
I still search, I search until my heart gives way,
Until I can not continue any further.
Until the black pits of hell have frozen over, By God I will not stop!
And if I'm killed by the questions like a cancer,
I shall be buried with the sounds of the answer.
And in this earth that I called my home.
Devours my sacred light and become just a demonic shadow zone.
Monday, October 6, 2008
It happened so fast: I didn't know what to do next.
I remember standing there, looking into those big eyes.
Motionless, petrified; staring in the face full of lies.
She told us it would be okay, not to worry.
Then why did she bring cops? That's another story.
She even brought my eldest sister,
Someone who's actions had already hit me like a twister.
She came in and took me away,
I was speechless, falling tears was all I had left to say.
She told us to pack;
But it nothing less than the clothes on our backs.
On four wheels we went;
to be subscribed to a new agent.
They took our picture to be put on a board.
For someone else to look at it. For someone else to afford.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Foolish(iness): resulting from or showing a lack of sense; ill-considered; unwise: a foolish action, a foolish speech.
Ignorant(ance): the state or fact of being ignorant; lack of knowledge, learning, information
I agree with these meanings, it exactly how I feel about these. It's just that people who can be foolish can be ignorant at the same time. Or, even better, they are so foolish that it would be foolish NOT to call them ignorant. I mean, it burns me to see people who know that they are doing wrong, but they continue to do it. And they justify that they are right!
People laugh, a cute little joke, nothing serious.
It can be taken lightheartedly, a foolish person is not dumb.
As long as you know it was playful; that it the rule of thumb.
But ignorance is an undertaking on a whole new level.
Something that turns me red; red as the devil.
Must we be swarmed with the painful setbacks?
They are being irrational, can't they see that?
Foolishness is manageable; it can be controlled.
Why can't ignorance be? That's what I want to know.
Foolishness versus ignorance; there is a clear difference.
There are other explanations, another inference.
So let's not destroy the world with senseless ramblings and unconsidered thoughts.
Foolishness and ignorance are two different things, that's what I'm talking about.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
watched him strut around.
Like some cat, showing off.
But I showed him who's boss.
Let's take a trip. Let's go back to 2003. Back in my middle school, where my nightmares sleep and horrors awaken.
It was a rainy Friday afternoon and we all just came from our computer class. The transfer from the third floor hallway to the first floor was the worst trek I have ever been on. Kids running, cursing. Throwing things, cursing some more. It was like a zoo and I was just one of the few animals that contain themselves. Ha, there were few tamers in out school. They couldn't keep the beasts in check. So, on the way down the stairs, I'm talking to one of my few trusted friends about what I did on the computer. Suddenly, I look to my right and see two pairs of eyes on me; one of which is Jaaron Clark, my bully. I wasn't aware until my friend had nudged my with his elbow. As I looked, Jaaron said "Look at this nigga. What are those? Payless shoes?" I was shocked at first, but when I looked down, I was, in fact, wearing Payless shoes. And of course, some kids started to laugh. I managed to put a smiled on my face and continue down the stairs. I reached the bottom and then he says, "That shirt looks like he bought it from the thrift shop." A few laughs and I look at my shirt. It wasn't that bad: Just a few wrinkles. We walked through the double doors and Jaaron pushes me from behind. I fall to the floor and he says, "Payless shoes can't keep you standing can they?" I grunt a little as my friend helps me up. "You should say something once in a while." he tells me. I nod and say, "I'm working on it.His shield is heavier than his own weight; so he drops it.
In the class, we all take our seats and the teacher hasn't come in yet. This was the perfect time for Jaaron to cut on me. So, a big shot that he is, he approaches me with a sly smirk. It was one of those "Yeah, I'm cool." kind of smirks. And he walks with a lean, a limp almost. In my head I'm thinking, "Who or what is this guy trying to impress?" But he manages to make some girls smile and giggle those girly giggles. I know most of them are "laughing at you" giggles. We made eye contact and he asks me, "Who dresses you, your mother?" I shake my head slowly and he laughs his ass off. "You're lying! Look at what you're wearing." He stand up and points to his clothing, "You should dress like me." He pulls up his shirt and says, "Check out the belt." I reluctantly look, it was a horrible belt to be honest. But I noticed something else about his mid section. The boxers! Yes, the boxers! They were stained with brown and ripped at the brim. This was my chance. So I said, "I rather not dress like you. I would to wash my butt often." And I didn't realize that I said it loud enough so that the class could hear. But in the background, I saw a dozen of heads turn and point at Jaaron. Seconds later, they busted out laughing. Shocked and confused, Jaaron looks around to see who they were laughing at. As soon as he realized he was being laughed at, he pulled down his shirt and glowered at me. Before he could say anything, the teacher walked in. "Yes, I got that bastard this time, he let his guard down. But it's not over." I told myself.
Ignorance is like a plague; it sickens you.Midway through the class, there were still some giggles. I tried not to smile, trying not to soak in the temporary glory. My victory was far from my grasp. As the teacher was writing problems on the board, Jaaron was talking amongst his "goons". He was trying to call my attention by one of those "psst" things. It worked countless times on me and this moment was no different. I turned my head and looked at him. Instantly, (he timed this perfectly) he threw a paper ball at me. It said hello to my face, a direct greeting. I saw stars for a moment and put my head down quickly. "Hey, Ms. Feirstein, Travis is crying." Jaaron calls out. I can hear her turn around and I look up. Eyes burning and watery she asks, "Are you okay, Travis? Want to see the nurse?" I shook my head and wiped my eyes. She continued her lesson.
I was replaying my next course of action in my head. It wasn't perfect and it required Jaaron's move again. It was a game of chess and I was determined to win. Jaaron's next move had to be spoken. It couldn't be anything psychical, I refused to accept that. Then the teacher turns to the class and asks, "Does anyone have to go to the bathroom? This is going to take awhile." The class was silent and a few heads were shaken. But Jaaron said, "Travis should go and wipe his face. We don't want any babies in the class. You know, crying because they can't handle the problems." Ms. Feirstein didn't like the comment, but she knew Jaaron's comments were better off "not taken seriously". Instead of saying anything to him, she turns to me. In my head I say, "You actually want me to answer such an ignorant question? Woman, you should be shot!" I slowly shake my head and say, "No, I'm fine." Without a second to waste I add tersely, "Jaaron should go, he needs a little cleaning to do." As if a comedian had gave a performance, the entire class erupted in laughter. Jaaron's expression couldn't be anymore priceless than those blank faces. I gave a quick smile and turned to my books.After class was over, and this is the final class, we all get up to hand up our homework. This is where we all pile up in front of the teacher's desk, a complete mess, and attempt to organize our work. This was the time where all the "I couldn't finish it", "It was too hard for me", and even "The dog ate my homework." were all uttered and said. I hated this time. I dreaded it.
I fall behind, failing to reach my homework in time. And I get up behind the massive crowd. I sighed heavily and snap my fingers, "Damn it, I have to wait." I mutter. Suddenly, I feel a great pain in my collar bone. I fall to a knee and look up and it was Jaaron. "You like to be smart? Don't you?" I tried to break free, but my determination was not to it's fullest.Then, the moment where I lose control. The moment where I was no longer Travis. That moment came when he said, "You ugly black nigger! If you ever talk back to me, I'll smack the black off of you." The insult, or demand in his case, crept its way up my spine and into my brain. I had to process it, I had to think it over. "What did he just say?" I ask myself. Now anger was rising, I felt it boil. I get up and rip his hand from me. I mean, I clawed at him, like a lion trying to escape it's cage. I saw the sudden fear in his eyes and it was my turn to be the bigger of beasts. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLE!" I yell. Immediately, heads turn and look at us. "I WISH YOU WOULD BURN IN HELL AND HAVE YOUR SOUL STABBED!" My eyes were red and I felt more powerful than a god. I aimlessly throw my arms around. Throwing books and desks at this kid. I mean, the books exploded on the floor and the desks crashed into each other. I managed to see that Jaaron was trying to escape, but two desks were firmly locked in front of him. He was trapped, it was checkmate for him. Game over.
Silence fell over us and Jaaron looked like he saw a ghost. It was the finale for his charade. Nobody moved, they just looked. Even my closest friends were shocked. The anger flowed through my veins and I turned around, without looking back. I walked out the classroom, knowing that I did the unthinkable. But it really didn't matter. That side of me had been waiting to come out for a long while. It rose from my gut, to my lungs, to my arms, to my mouth.
It came from the Belly of the Beast.