Self Assessment

Hmmmm, how can I show to you my true self?
I mean the real me, Travis Gibson, myself.
What words can I wrap around your head?
To make you believe everything that I said.

Truly I can just write out my entire life, but that's not what I'm going to do. That's not what's going to happen in this blog. This blog right here, the one that you are reading now, I will be explaining my growth in my FLC class. And to be honest, I think I grew a good amount.

For one, I know how to take good pictures. Hell, all I've done in the past is point the camera and push the button in the corner. I really didn't care for the lighting and what have you. But in this class, I've learned that everything counts. Concept, lighting, background, whether or not you should use flash. All that stuff, I learned and will use for my future photography. I also learned that black and white photos are my best bet. Hey, color is great, but with a dark complexion such as myself, I come out weird. If I hadn't known that, do you know have many photos I would have messed up.

Second, I learned that there are various parts to yourself. The Literal, Relational, Shadow, and Fantastic Self. All four of these have been taught to me. And I've been given some helpful tools that can show those selves. I've been in touch with them at times. My Shadow Self in particular, I like. But I will try to show these parts of me to the best of my abilities.

Thirdly, I learned that, in college, there are many characters. Tell me if I'm wrong, but you can meet some great people. Conrad, you are that person. If I hadn't seen someone's vocabulary as great as yours, WOW, the dictionary would be by my side everyday.

But alas, here I am. Throughout the weeks of the course, I've learned many things. And I hope I can do it again. I had a great time in FLC.

The Shit that goes on the Bus

What ever happens on the bus, stays on the bus right? Hell no! Imma tell you what happened on the bus: There are two people. Two different arguments and one helpless student (that's me). What happened was, I came from a book discussion at the school. It was nice discussion, well anyways. I grab the N16 and transfer to the N6. On on this bus I hear one man yell out "That ain't what on the bible!" In confusion, I turn off my mp3 player and take a seat. A moment later a woman yells, "Just shut up! Can't you see we are all tired?" And I was like: "Damn, who she talking to?" Instantly the man earlier cries, "Why won't you shut up and get yourself a GED." Then I finally realized I walked into the middle of a heated argument.

For one, the woman looked like she was some sort of traveling agent. She had her rolling backpack, her duffel bag, the whole lot. And the guy looked like some regular consumer of the MTA. Secondly, these two people seemed like they were about to go at each others throats. But the thing about it was: they were plenty of seats separated from one another.

So the verbal battle goes on. I mean, these guys were dropping F-Bombs, shooting "Bitch" across the field. It was a total battlefield. On one corner, you had the guy yelling that the woman needs a GED. And you have the woman telling the man that she doesn't need anyone's help. And when you listen to these arguments, you're like, "These people need to look inside themselves more deeply."

Just to sum things up rather quickly. It goes to show you how words can carry out what the person is feeling on the inside. The woman really DID want someone's help and I bet that guy didn't have a high school education to begin with. Words have a lot of power and I for one knows that.

So take the time to think through what you are trying to get out. It might come out the wrong way.

Butter & Biscuits

I woke up one morning,
to the brilliant sunlight.
Feeling refreshed and alive,
I had a really good night.

I woke up one morning,
to the sound of my alarm clock.
Feeling aggravated and sore,
I had slept on my feathered rock.

I woke up one morning,
to the smell of my buttered biscuits.
Feeling hungry and delighted,
I couldn't wait to eat it!

Making History

Wow, I feel so good right now. My first time voting and the person I voted for won. Its

something every teenager should be excited about. Our first African American president? Years ago, it was uncalled for. And now, we can truly say that The U.S. is the place for opportunities. Barack Obama should be proud of himself. He's going to face many challenges and we as Americans have to help him.

Time is Running Out

Now, normally the clock wouldn't tick like this.
The sound pounding in my head, with disfunctional bliss.
Now, this isn't fragmented, but its broken up.
With annoying ticks and tocks--I had enough!
Now, normally it wouldn't go this fast,
The time is slipping away, into the deadly synchronized past.

Time is Running Out....
Is Running Out...
Running Out..

OUT OF TIME...

A Scary Short Story (The Introduction)

It must of been my nightmare that woke him up. He surely didn't have a pleasant one, he's sweating cold bullets here. Ulrick, is more than your average boy. Yes, more than normal.

He leans up in the bed and looks at his clock: It's blinking 12:00.
"Wow, the electricity just went out?" he asks himself. With a shrugged of his shoulders and shrewdly wipes the sweat off with his pajama sleeve. He lays back down and stares at the ceiling. The ceiling contains old stickers from his sister's past. She had past away two years prior and he sheepishly wanted to keep her room. He watched as his eyes went to the sticker of her favorite cartoon character, Yo-yo Bean. She was a chubby dinosaur with a huge yo-yo. His sister who always carry the stuffed figure of Yo-yo Bean. It irritated Ulrick, but that was his little sister's first friend. He smiled at the thought and moved on to the next sticker. It was halfway ripped and was glow-in-the-dark. He remembered it being his sister's airplane sticker. He had given it to her when they saw the movie "Mayday!" She didn't like that movie, but Ulrick forced her to watch it. That same night, he slapped the sticker on her ceiling and she tried her best to peel it off. It was a foolish attempt, therefore she was as short as his leg. But in a surprising leap, she managed to grab half of it with her nail.
"Wow, you can jump." Ulrick remembered saying.
"Shut up, you big loser!" his sister yelled back.

He smiled again and sighed. He loved his sister, loved her a lot. So much that he wished she was here right about now.

He blinked and turned at the clock again: It was still blinking 12:00.

It Just Kept Going & Going

"It didn't stop!
That motherfucker didn't stop!
I mean, BOOM, it just went!
Like a spec in the wind; just blew to another dimension!"

-A hunter talking to his buddy. (That deer didn't like bullets)

"I was like:
'What the fuck? Why won't it stop?'
I tried to restart the whole thing, but it didn't work.
I banged on it a couple of times but it kept on going!"

-A Ipod customer, explaining his story with his malfunctioning Ipod.

"Like, you know when your brain hurts?
And your like: 'Ow, why won't it stop?'
And it just keeps hurting?
All you have to do is take, like, this red pill.
I forget what's it called....
I think it's, like, Advil. And your brainache is, like, gone!"

-A girl (perhaps from Valley Stream, just joking!) talking to one of her friends.

"This staircase won't stop!
It feels like I'm in a nightmare.
Yeah, a nightmare where the Energizer bunny keeps chasing me.
It just keeps going and going!"

-Me, when I was walking down that endless staircase on the Brooklyn trip (Below)

Coming Across Insecurities (Truly Unfinished)

Have you ever wondered why you don't do certain things?
Have you ever thought about the reason why your heart jumps to your throat every time that certain situation comes around?

I have and I still don't know the exact reason. Now, I know that I'm a modest guy. I look around me and I see guys who can think on their feet about getting a woman of their choice. I guess you can see where this blog is heading toward.

I remember when I was small, every time when a girl would say hi to me I would hesitate before saying hi back. Why have I done that? As I got older, girls started to call me "ugly" and "blacker than charcoal" and what not. And it hurt, it hurt really badly. I mean, I felt like crawling into a ball and crying. And that's what they wanted I guess, and I fell for it. Those words kept coming at me, hitting me at every angle. Like rain pelting on someone who has no umbrella; I just drench. And with that wetness, I developed a cold, so-to-speak. This cold stayed with me until I got to junior high, and high school.

The same story, one in particular had me gasping for air. I was walking down the hall one day. I was heading toward my typing class. As I walked past this girl, I saw her turned her head. I mean, I saw it on the corner of my eye. And I heard her say, "He's grotesque." The word hit me hard, but it confused me. It confused me so much that I had to look it up. And when I read the definition I was like, "Damn, I'm that ugly?" And I knew it was low of me to say that about myself, but that's how I felt. And all these images of the people calling me those same horrible words came flooding back.

And all this had added up. I really couldn't compete with the harshness of those memories. One of my favorite bands, Disturbed, made song (Pain Redefined) that had a line saying: "Memories don't lie, you know better then, memories don't lie." And they don't, these memories inflicted true pain on me. It still hurts to this day.

I really can't go on with this blog, tears are falling from my eyes. Ha ha, the things I do to express myself, right?

Brooklyn Trip (Coming Soon)

THAT TRIP WAS F'ING AMAZING! DETAILS SOON!

My Favorite Things

This blog is late, but I wanted to show you guys some of my favorite things.

The 1st for presentation will be my 30GB Ipod. My God I love this thing. Only the coolest songs are able to go on here. My favorite bands like Korn, Disturbed, Papa Roach, and more are in this Ipod. I can't imagine what will happen if I lose this kid. And when the battery is dead--can't find my charger....WOW, a whole new story. But I also got some other stuff in there. Like my novels and things for school. So it's a music drive and flash drive. Some people didn't even know that you can use an Ipod as a flash drive.

The 2nd thing I would like to show you people are my ties. Now, my mom says that I dress very conservatively. She's right in a way. Most people ask me when I'm wearing a collar shirt and slacks, "Why are you dressing up?" I then look at myself and shake my head, "I'm not dressing up. This is what I like to wear." So far, I haven't worn a tie, but as the year progresses I will be wearing some of those flashy cloths for all to see.

The 3rd thing will be my earrings. And I know some people are like: "Wow, this kid is a girl!" But I must admit that my earrings mean something to me. They are a symbol of something deep, something that I would explain later in my blog. But I'll tell you that not everyone is self confident at times.

The 4th thing is the Webster's Dictionary. Wow, when I'm writing my novels I'm looking this book up and down. Whether it's to find a new word or to just pass the time. I find myself looking up words to make a new character in my novels. For example, I needed a name for a monster. Monsters are originally sinister, so I was looking for a sinister name. And I came across this:

Cacophonous: A harsh, metal grinding sound.

And I was like, "Wow, that's perfect." So I made a beast who's cry will paralyze everybody who hears it. And it can also destroy glass and bend metal. Pretty cool huh? So this is why the Webster's Book of Words is one of my favorite things.

5th on the list is one of my poetry books. Good Poems by Garrison Keillor was given to me by my Poetry Club adviser before I left my high school. For that, it means a lot to me. In this book they have poems from various poets like Emily Dickinson and Langston Hughes. They also have some from people I haven't heard of. To be honest, I haven't taken a in depth look at the book, but I will when I'm low on ideas. Hehehe, I'm such a theft.

Last but not least, my novels. I am fully dedicated to these books. I feel that I can finish them in a week's time, but I know that it will take a long time. My hope for the future is to become a great novelist and be loved by adoring fans. It sounds childish, but that what i hope for. I know will great supporters and myself included, I can become this novelist.

Well, here are my favorite things. I hoped you enjoyed! Comment me and share some of your favorite things!

The Shadow Zone (TO BE REVISED!)

My cry is justified by the thunder,
but will my name be remembered?

My wounds are caused by the words that rip constantly,
but will my legacy be remembered?

My sorrow is being swallowed by the lustful darkness,
but will my memories by remembered?

Throughout my tedious life, I have searched for these answers.
But I couldn't find any--not one answer.
I still search, I search until my heart gives way,
Until I can not continue any further.
Until the black pits of hell have frozen over, By God I will not stop!
And if I'm killed by the questions like a cancer,
I shall be buried with the sounds of the answer.
And in this earth that I called my home.
Devours my sacred light and become just a demonic shadow zone.

A Time Of

It was after she left,
It happened so fast: I didn't know what to do next.
I remember standing there, looking into those big eyes.
Motionless, petrified; staring in the face full of lies.
She told us it would be okay, not to worry.
Then why did she bring cops? That's another story.
She even brought my eldest sister,
Someone who's actions had already hit me like a twister.
She came in and took me away,
I was speechless, falling tears was all I had left to say.
She told us to pack;
But it nothing less than the clothes on our backs.
On four wheels we went;
to be subscribed to a new agent.
They took our picture to be put on a board.
For someone else to look at it. For someone else to afford.

All Along the Watchtower

I have been assigned to listen to Bob Dylan's version of All Along the Watchtower. And, I must admit, it was good. And I know my professor would say, "Of course it was good! It was more than good!" But, this must have been the first song of Bob Bylan's music that I can actually picture what he's saying. I heard he voice clearly and his harmonica did a good number on me.

But I took it a step further and I took a listen to Jimi Hendrix's version of this song. Now, one thing that I quickly noticed was that Hendrix's version was 4 minutes and Bob Dylan's was 2 minutes and a 1/2. A question came to mind: "Does it take a 1 and a 1/2 minute difference to make a equally great song?" Well, the only way to find out was listen to both about 3 times.

And so I did, and I came to a conclusion. Bob Dylan's version was much more effective. Unlike Hendrix, he didn't have a 30 to 40 second solo piece with his guitar. Any space that was filled between verses were mostly harmonica and some background guitarist. I also noticed that Hendrix took out some words and added some words. I guess that he wanted the song to match with his style of vocals.

In any case, I think Bob Dylan did a better job with All Along the Watchtower. And to fully respond to that, later in my blog, I will eventually write an identical poem to All Along the Watchtower. :) So stay tuned.

My Definiton of Being Foolish and Ignorant

Now, those who have read my Pivot Questionnaire know that I despise ignorance. I mean, I spit upon it, I would rip it apart if it was dimensionally possible. I just hate it. But let's be literal here for a moment and look to see what Webster has to say about these:

Foolish(iness): resulting from or showing a lack of sense; ill-considered; unwise: a foolish action, a foolish speech.

Ignorant(ance): the state or fact of being ignorant; lack of knowledge, learning, information

I agree with these meanings, it exactly how I feel about these. It's just that people who can be foolish can be ignorant at the same time. Or, even better, they are so foolish that it would be foolish NOT to call them ignorant. I mean, it burns me to see people who know that they are doing wrong, but they continue to do it. And they justify that they are right!

Foolishness is something that you can get away with.
People laugh, a cute little joke, nothing serious.
It can be taken lightheartedly, a foolish person is not dumb.
As long as you know it was playful; that it the rule of thumb.

But ignorance is an undertaking on a whole new level.
Something that turns me red; red as the devil.
Must we be swarmed with the painful setbacks?
They are being irrational, can't they see that?

Foolishness is manageable; it can be controlled.
Why can't ignorance be? That's what I want to know.
Foolishness versus ignorance; there is a clear difference.
There are other explanations, another inference.
So let's not destroy the world with senseless ramblings and unconsidered thoughts.
Foolishness and ignorance are two different things, that's what I'm talking about.

Belly of the Beast

I sat there and watched,

watched him strut around.

Like some cat, showing off.

But I showed him who's boss.

Let's take a trip. Let's go back to 2003. Back in my middle school, where my nightmares sleep and horrors awaken.

It was a rainy Friday afternoon and we all just came from our computer class. The transfer from the third floor hallway to the first floor was the worst trek I have ever been on. Kids running, cursing. Throwing things, cursing some more. It was like a zoo and I was just one of the few animals that contain themselves. Ha, there were few tamers in out school. They couldn't keep the beasts in check. So, on the way down the stairs, I'm talking to one of my few trusted friends about what I did on the computer. Suddenly, I look to my right and see two pairs of eyes on me; one of which is Jaaron Clark, my bully. I wasn't aware until my friend had nudged my with his elbow. As I looked, Jaaron said "Look at this nigga. What are those? Payless shoes?" I was shocked at first, but when I looked down, I was, in fact, wearing Payless shoes. And of course, some kids started to laugh. I managed to put a smiled on my face and continue down the stairs. I reached the bottom and then he says, "That shirt looks like he bought it from the thrift shop." A few laughs and I look at my shirt. It wasn't that bad: Just a few wrinkles. We walked through the double doors and Jaaron pushes me from behind. I fall to the floor and he says, "Payless shoes can't keep you standing can they?" I grunt a little as my friend helps me up. "You should say something once in a while." he tells me. I nod and say, "I'm working on it.

His shield is heavier than his own weight; so he drops it.

In the class, we all take our seats and the teacher hasn't come in yet. This was the perfect time for Jaaron to cut on me. So, a big shot that he is, he approaches me with a sly smirk. It was one of those "Yeah, I'm cool." kind of smirks. And he walks with a lean, a limp almost. In my head I'm thinking, "Who or what is this guy trying to impress?" But he manages to make some girls smile and giggle those girly giggles. I know most of them are "laughing at you" giggles. We made eye contact and he asks me, "Who dresses you, your mother?" I shake my head slowly and he laughs his ass off. "You're lying! Look at what you're wearing." He stand up and points to his clothing, "You should dress like me." He pulls up his shirt and says, "Check out the belt." I reluctantly look, it was a horrible belt to be honest. But I noticed something else about his mid section. The boxers! Yes, the boxers! They were stained with brown and ripped at the brim. This was my chance. So I said, "I rather not dress like you. I would to wash my butt often." And I didn't realize that I said it loud enough so that the class could hear. But in the background, I saw a dozen of heads turn and point at Jaaron. Seconds later, they busted out laughing. Shocked and confused, Jaaron looks around to see who they were laughing at. As soon as he realized he was being laughed at, he pulled down his shirt and glowered at me. Before he could say anything, the teacher walked in. "Yes, I got that bastard this time, he let his guard down. But it's not over." I told myself.

Ignorance is like a plague; it sickens you.

Midway through the class, there were still some giggles. I tried not to smile, trying not to soak in the temporary glory. My victory was far from my grasp. As the teacher was writing problems on the board, Jaaron was talking amongst his "goons". He was trying to call my attention by one of those "psst" things. It worked countless times on me and this moment was no different. I turned my head and looked at him. Instantly, (he timed this perfectly) he threw a paper ball at me. It said hello to my face, a direct greeting. I saw stars for a moment and put my head down quickly. "Hey, Ms. Feirstein, Travis is crying." Jaaron calls out. I can hear her turn around and I look up. Eyes burning and watery she asks, "Are you okay, Travis? Want to see the nurse?" I shook my head and wiped my eyes. She continued her lesson.

I was replaying my next course of action in my head. It wasn't perfect and it required Jaaron's move again. It was a game of chess and I was determined to win. Jaaron's next move had to be spoken. It couldn't be anything psychical, I refused to accept that. Then the teacher turns to the class and asks, "Does anyone have to go to the bathroom? This is going to take awhile." The class was silent and a few heads were shaken. But Jaaron said, "Travis should go and wipe his face. We don't want any babies in the class. You know, crying because they can't handle the problems." Ms. Feirstein didn't like the comment, but she knew Jaaron's comments were better off "not taken seriously". Instead of saying anything to him, she turns to me. In my head I say, "You actually want me to answer such an ignorant question? Woman, you should be shot!" I slowly shake my head and say, "No, I'm fine." Without a second to waste I add tersely, "Jaaron should go, he needs a little cleaning to do." As if a comedian had gave a performance, the entire class erupted in laughter. Jaaron's expression couldn't be anymore priceless than those blank faces. I gave a quick smile and turned to my books.

After class was over, and this is the final class, we all get up to hand up our homework. This is where we all pile up in front of the teacher's desk, a complete mess, and attempt to organize our work. This was the time where all the "I couldn't finish it", "It was too hard for me", and even "The dog ate my homework." were all uttered and said. I hated this time. I dreaded it.

I fall behind, failing to reach my homework in time. And I get up behind the massive crowd. I sighed heavily and snap my fingers, "Damn it, I have to wait." I mutter. Suddenly, I feel a great pain in my collar bone. I fall to a knee and look up and it was Jaaron. "You like to be smart? Don't you?" I tried to break free, but my determination was not to it's fullest.

Then, the moment where I lose control. The moment where I was no longer Travis. That moment came when he said, "You ugly black nigger! If you ever talk back to me, I'll smack the black off of you." The insult, or demand in his case, crept its way up my spine and into my brain. I had to process it, I had to think it over. "What did he just say?" I ask myself. Now anger was rising, I felt it boil. I get up and rip his hand from me. I mean, I clawed at him, like a lion trying to escape it's cage. I saw the sudden fear in his eyes and it was my turn to be the bigger of beasts. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLE!" I yell. Immediately, heads turn and look at us. "I WISH YOU WOULD BURN IN HELL AND HAVE YOUR SOUL STABBED!" My eyes were red and I felt more powerful than a god. I aimlessly throw my arms around. Throwing books and desks at this kid. I mean, the books exploded on the floor and the desks crashed into each other. I managed to see that Jaaron was trying to escape, but two desks were firmly locked in front of him. He was trapped, it was checkmate for him. Game over.

Silence fell over us and Jaaron looked like he saw a ghost. It was the finale for his charade. Nobody moved, they just looked. Even my closest friends were shocked. The anger flowed through my veins and I turned around, without looking back. I walked out the classroom, knowing that I did the unthinkable. But it really didn't matter. That side of me had been waiting to come out for a long while. It rose from my gut, to my lungs, to my arms, to my mouth.

It came from the Belly of the Beast.

Building Up

I haven't written anything for a while now.
But get ready, I'm about to release a monstrous sound.
So loud that it will push you off your feet.
Be ready, for the Belly of The Beast.

The Mother of all Libraries

It amazes me,
how these yellow, bronze covered lights can
create such an atmosphere.

Overhead,
the wonderfully carved structures,
I don't want to get out of here.

The smell of old-fashioned books,
pages above imagination.
It's like living with dictionaries.

The old black ink,
pictures from years ago,
textures as rich as dairy.

Must I leave a place of natural solitude?
Such a room with devastating magnitude?
It feels like I was born here,
I am a son of the Mother Library.
If I can be anywhere else,
this is where you would find me.

If Love Was: A Poem Inspired by Lucy

If Love was a virus, when will I be infected?
If Love was a vaccine, when will I be injected?

If Love was the wind, when will I be blown away?
If Love was the string of words, what will I say?

If Love was with gravity, when will I fall down?
If Love was a store, what corner would it be around?

If Love was a diamond, how much would it cost?
If Love was a map, would it guide me when I'm lost?

I can say for sure what is Love is.
But I know it is a drug, a cure, a force, a saying.
It pulls you down, it surprises you, it's costly, and sometimes it deludes.

All I know is...that...I too, want to fall in Love.

I've Seen You Somwhere

Hey, you. Yes you! How has it been?
I think I know you; do you remember me from back then?
No, you say? Why, you haven't got an inkling?
"This person must be crazy!", that's what you're thinking.
But I assure you that I'm no lunatic.
Therefore I've seen you somewhere, I just know it!
But where? Where do I recall seeing you?
I can't place my finger on it, what shall I do?
Go away, you say? Leave you alone?
Well, if I do, this moment will leave chills in my bones.
Please, we must figure this out!
Please don't be alarmed, I know what I'm talking about.

A picture's coming to me now.
It's somewhere nice, not too profound.
It was a place, not too far from here.
Somewhere close, so don't you fear.
It was my dreams, pleasantly calm.
You were under those tall, green-lit palms.
Yes, I saw you there. Everyday!
When I closed my eyes, you wouldn't go away.
I don't want you to disappear.
No I don't want that, please stay near.

I've
Seen
You
Somewhere...

But where?

How Far Can a Gentleman Go?

Now, I can say without second guessing myself, that I am a Gentleman. A capitalize that because I feel strongly about Gentlemanliness. I believe that every woman in the world would want nothing short of a Gentleman. Right ladies?

So, on the the story. I was on the N6 bus today, just minding my own business. I was about 5 blocks into it until the bus stopped for about 5 individuals. These individuals were all females. Between the ages of 21 to 50. One was pretty old looking. They all pay their fare and stop right in front of me. I'm like: "Wow, I'm that popular?" Now, of course I was being witty about the situation. The real question is: Who should I get up for?

Now, to all my Gentleman out there. Answer this question:
Who would you give your seat to?
A) A young woman who looks like she's been walking a lot
B) A middle aged woman who looks like she's been walking a lot
C) A elderly woman who looks like she's been walking a lot
D) Just stay seated and keep your head down

Tricky question right? I mean, no room to squeeze by. These women looked like they just walked a marathon. And it wasn't even that hot today. Now, they weren't sweating profusely, they just had a few dabs on their shirts.

As I was looking up, I was like: "Hmmmm, which one? It would be rude to sit my bum, while these women stand." And to be honest, I really couldn't decide. I'm not going to tell you what happened, but I'll leave the question out there.

How Far Can A Gentleman Go?

Looking For Some Inspiration

Today, I was sitting down in front of my computer, wanting something to write. But I couldn't figure out what. I mean, I'm a writer, I should what to write. But this is where that inconvient diease called Writer's Block comes in. Damn, I hate and I rarely experience it.

But here I am, in front of my computer, thinking of what to write. I sigh repeatedly and shake my head in fustration. "I need some inspiration." I told myself. So with that, I get up. Pack my wallet, phone, body and mind, and walk outside.

I really don't know what I was looking for, but I knew I'll find something. So down the block I go and I stare up at the sky. The vast blue with the puffs of white stuff. The air smells great and the birds are chirping. I turn the corner and find my first in-depth thought for the day.

My Neighbor: Two Blocks Away From Me:
I've noticed that on every Sunday (the Sundays that I actually go out) she washes clothes. The smell of the Tide that she used fills me nose and it makes me smile. That great smell sweeps all over the block, enchanting the people with a delightful scent. I thanked her for that. Because who wants to smell bird crap that plauges the area before and after Sunday?

I walk further down the block and come to where the fork is by the Home Depot. That's where the second thought came to mind.

The NO PARKING ANY TIME Sign:
I wonder why people couldn't park here at any time. I mean, really. Not even for two seconds. You know, they can't stop to grab something in the back seat? It makes me wonder what will happen if a cop pulled someone over if they stopped for that amount of time...right in front of that sign. Hmmmm, I wonder.

I walk further down and come to my favorite gorcery store. I only have 5 dollars in my wallet and I spent it on these things:
-Three bags of 99cent Doritos
-Two cans of 99cent Arizona
I love this stuff. And that's when the third thing popped into my head.

OMG, I HAVE NO MONEY LEFT!
Now, I'm an adult. I'm not suppose to fritter away my money like a kid on parade. But I did, not thinking of the troubles that will follow. But I get paid on Wednesday, so I really don't care. It's my mom who's gonna ride my back till on end.

Well there you have it, I overcame my writer block!

My Professor's Questions

I will never know what makes my professor tick. One day he's taking us through a trail with millions of angry, human-eating mosquitoes, and now he wants us to answer a few questions. With my staggering attempt, here I go.

1. What is your favorite word?
- Hmmm, favorite word? It would be "trace" Why, well because it could mean so many things. Besides it Webster's meaning, we all can apply it to the real world. We all wish everything could be easy as tracing, right?

2. What is your least favorite word?
- "Nigga" Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That's my least favorite word. Why? Because in today's age it's so over used, so skewed that it angers me that people even use it. But who am I to say something?

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
- I would say that Medieval warfare turns me on creatively. I mean the sounds of swords clashing makes me tingle.

4. What turns you off?
- Ignorance. My god I hate it!

5. What's your favorite curse word?
- Frankly, I rarely curse.

6. What sound or noise do you love?
- Swords hitting each other, shields banging in excitement.

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
- The 6pm bell that rings throughout my town.

8. What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?
- Animation. I would love to learn how to make my own characters with the computer. I want to make my own anime to!

9. What profession would you NOT want to do?
- Butler. YOU CAN FETCH YOUR OWN TOWEL, BASTARD!

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you when you arrive?
- Something like this: "Travis, no one's perfect. Your sins are forgiven and I like your novels."

And there it is folks. For my professor's sake, please do one. I'm begging you. Before he does something CRAZY!

To Whom it May Concern

To whom it may concern:
Right now, you are thinking: "Does he even know who's he writing to?"
Well of course I do!
You are that person who is concerned with this letter.
The one who's observation is for the better.
It doesn't matter if you a boy or girl.
This letter is directed to both; the one who let this paper unfurl.
But does it concern you, how ambiguous this greeting is?
You wish they can just put your first name: Mr. Tom, Ms. Liz.
But that's to difficult, no one wants to do that.
They just want you to have your undivided attention in matter of fact.
This is something here that we all can learn.
If you are a business person; you are To Whom it May Concern.

It Used To be That Way

Believe it or not, but I was bullied when I was in middle school.

Let's jump back about 4 to 6 years ago. I lived in Ozone Park, Queens. My middle school's name was Ms. 226, Virgil M. Grissom. He was some kind of astronaut. But enough about him. I started there in 6th grade and came out of there in the 8th. It was somewhere around that point, I'm not sure. There was this kid names Jaaron Clark. I real pain in the ass. And I don't know how it happened, but he decided to target me.

At first, I thought he was just playing around. But as the weeks progressed, he started to really berate me. He called me dirty names like O.D.B (some rapper that had nasty braids). He called me a donkey because of my teeth, he said that I needed to take showers. It was just horrible. I tried my best to ignore him, but his actions just rubbed me the wrong way.

The one thing that really pushed me to my mental limit was when I was in the lunchroom. Now, I was sitting at the table, I just received my lunch and was ready to full myself. Until I felt this strong push at my back. Before I knew it, he and a couple of his "goons" were wrapping duct tape around my mouth and body. I mean, they literally made me into a mummy. I tried with all my might to break out of it, but the only thing that was breaking out was the great amounts of tears flowing from my eyes. People were laughing and pointing and I hobbled out of the lunchroom and into the bathroom.

It was horrific. Amazingly, my favorite security guard, Sgt. Evans, cut me lose and told me some valuable stuff. He said this:

"Listen here. You can't appear weak to kids like him. They will take advantage of you. Trust me, you have to stay and look strong in a school like this."

I sat there, nodding. I really didn't know how to look tough and I certainly wasn't tough to begin with. But I did know how to speak my mind in writing. So in class, I basically wrote a poem with was targeted at him, but it was so indirect, I'm not even sure if that's the word, but he had no idea that I was talking about him. After I read it, I felt so relieved.

As I'm writing this, I'm staring to get the anger that I felt back then. The loneliness that I felt that day I was gift wrapped. But at the end, I feel stronger. I feel confident enough to post this so that everyone can see this!

Trip at Jones Beach

Ah, Jones Beach. Such a wonderful trip. The sun was shining, breeze blowing by, what? What was that? Bzzzzzzz.... Buzzing? HOLY CRAP! Mosquitoes! And big ones at that! RUN!

But, unfortunately we all couldn't escape the mosquitoes' wrath. The drained us good, I have the marks to prove it. Nevertheless, our goal for today was to become one with nature. To feel, smell, hear, see, and even taste Mother Nature. I wasn't sure about the tasting, but I know my other sensories were tingling quite lively. We wrote haikus and tankas. I really hate kaikus. Why? Because I can't write them. But I tried and here it is:

Water crashing here
On the rock standing still
Making sounds so pure

Not the best but hey, I tried. I also got the chance to relax my mind and meditate. The smell of salt rushed through my nose and I felt so ALIVE! I wish I could do it again, but without all the raving and disastrous mosquitoes.

Yourself In Me

Look inside my soul and I swear you'll see yourself.
Like a mirror on your wall, you'll see no one else.
What else do you see?
Is it me?
Am I that someone you want me to be?
Collect yourself, because your mirror will shatter.
It will fall all over the place, spill and scatter.
Gather yourself, because you are tumbling.
I will tear you down, because I want myself to crumble.

A great piece of lyric from Fort Minor

Have you ever heard of the Rap/Hip-Hop artist named Fort Minor? He collaborates with Linkin' Park and Styles of Beyond. Well, one of his songs "Cigarettes" really got me thinking. I mean, it really had me going. Not only was the beat hard, the words that he was saying explains exactly how we are in today's society. I won't give you the entire lyrics, but I'll give you a verses that was the strongest in my opinion.

"Let me tell you something that I realized tonight,
My hip-hop radio is like Marlboro Light.
They're both selling stories and they sound about the same.
Cigarettes say they're safe, rapper claims they really bang.
We don't care when we lay the money down.
We don't believe the words, we just love the way they sound.
They're acting like we're idiots, they're lying to our face
Maybe we are idiots, we buy it anyway!" -Fort Minor, "Cigarettes"

If you didn't realize it the 1st time, read it again. Think about today's time and how we all hear that cigarettes are supposedly cancer free. But yet, people are getting lung cancer, throat cancer from these bad boys. Rappers: They claim that they are so hood and they do their business on the streets. Man, they haven't stepped foot outside their comfort zones to confront someone. I don't but maybe it's me. If that verse didn't touch you this might:

"I'm runnin' out to get the next rapper's CD,
Just suckin' up the guns, drugs, and misogyny.
The same way that I suck up all the stories when I breathe;
that little bit of death supposedly cancer free.
And everything that they say got the truth twisted up,
but twisted up is what I want man, I can't get enough!
Cuz even though we know it's all a big bluff,
we just light another up, what we don't give a fuck!"

Now that's hard, I'm telling you. The imagery that he creates with this song. It's amazing!

A Strong, Blood Connection

This is my family. To the left it's my sister Shalever. People say that were are twins, but she is two years older than me. Shalever is smart and I admire she integrity. She helps me when I need it, like giving my money for the bus. She even gave me money in order to buy myself an mp3 player. How wonderful! She can get nasty at times; she's easily irritated. I try to watch my words, but I guess I can get annoying to. But no matter how "bitey" she gets, I will love her with all my heart.

In the center is my brother Chris. Chris is the EXACT opposite of me. Looks, personality and demeanor. He loves rap, I love rock. He's into the girls more than school, I'm into school more than the girls. But I will not deny the fact that is he is my brother. We have a bond that will never me stricken down. We been through a lot. Fights, arguments, you name it. But after that, we are like "What the heck? Let's put that behind us." Chris, is a very funny character. He makes me laugh a lot, even when I don't want to. It gets really annoying, but my patience and brotherly love for him, pushed that aside. Chris is great, I can't deny that.

Last but not least. To the right, is my cousin Latisha. Or, for her sake, Tisha. Direct blood doesn't matter to us. We stick together as a family. She is also a funny type, but her jokes are bitter and twisted. Lol, but sometimes I find myself laughing my butt off. Tisha's a tough cookie, you really can't bite into her. But who's to say that Tisha's a bad girl? She's not. She is looking forward to school and tries her best in it. I'm willing to help her in any way possible.

This is my family. We are a family. We will remain a family.

Molloy College Photography Session

This one is called "Let me hand it to you". At first, I didn't know what my professor meant. But then I figure it hand to do something with the hand. So, I just reached up and pretended to reach for this light bulb.





I call this photo, "Somewhere out there." Basically, all we had to do was take a photo by a window. It's an okay shot, I'd just wish that tent wasn't there. I was picturing an more open field.







Yes, this is suppose to be my mugshot. At first, I thought we were going to do this at home. So I was going to have a yard stick on the side on me. But since it was in the college, that brick wall had to do. Plus, we had to take it in black & white.





This is "A Mastermind's Thought" Lousy title, but hey. I really don't know what to say about this. Other than that my face is darker than my hands. HAHAHAHAHHA, I'm so self conscious. I meant to stare at the camera, but the rims of my glasses blocks my pupils.





Simple bathroom mirror shot. I had trouble aiming the camera the way I wanted, but it looks like it came out great. I have a nice mustache! :)

I lost my Metrocard today...

Yeah, I lost my Metrocard today and this is the conversation I had with myself. Now, I have an inner "me", we all do.

Travis: Damn it! I lost my Metrocard!
Inner Me: What did you wear yesterday? It's probably in your pants.
Travis: Yeah, you're right....ITS NOT IN THERE! DAMN IT!
Inner Me: Maybe you left it on your wallet. Check your wallet!
Travis: It's not in my wallet! I've checked 5 times!
Inner Me: Well, go upstairs. Check the bathroom.
Travis: NO! I wouldn't bring my Metrocard upstairs to the bathroom.
Inner Me: I'm trying to help you!
Travis: Well, you are not helping!
Inner Me: Fine, I'll shut up!
Travis: Damn it, where did I put it? I also put it in my wallet, why isn't there?
Inner Me: Check behind the bed, it could have fell there.
Travis: Yeah, good idea. I remember throwing my stuff on my bed when I came home.
Inner Me: I'm such a genius!
Travis: Well, it's not back here.
Inner Me: The mattress. Check under the mattress.
Travis: Now, why would it be under the mattress?
Inner Me: I don't know, but you have found other things under there.
Travis: Nah chill. I know its not under there.
Inner Me: Well, it looks like you are walking to school?
Travis: Walking to school are you crazy?
Inner Me: It's not much of a walk...
Travis: Shut up! The bus makes it look so easy.
Inner Me: Take the hike, I'll do it.
Travis: No you wouldn't. You'll pass out at the 10th block.
Inner Me: Take the hike.
Travis: Fine, I'll take it.
Inner Me: No, on second thought, you shouldn't.
Travis: Why?
Inner Me: Because you'll be late. It's already 7:45.
Travis: Damn, you are right. DAMN IT! WHERE DOD I PUT IT?!
Inner Me: Looks like you lost it.
Travis: No freaking duh!

After the screaming and throwing myself across the room, I finally asked my mother for 2 dollars. But knowing her, she'll hold it against me when I get my paycheck. :( It turns out that I walked halfway to the school. And to be honest, it wasn't that bad. I'll probably will start walking that half everyday. Maybe when it isn't cold...

Veiwer's Discretion

Well, most people say that I'm a different person with my glasses off. But I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I feel the same. So I took a picture of myself with and without the glasses.

Look for a difference? Can you see it?
<--------------------------------->
Of course you can't!


It's just me with and without the specs! No personality change or anything!

This is for you...

My new friend, Jillian, loves to do acrostics. So to honor that, I will do one of my own. Technically, I think they are easy to do. Watch the word "easy" as it floats above your head. So here is my acrostic on EASY.

Everything you write in this poem is simple
Always the quickest way out
Simplistically, acrostics are underneath the level of difficult
You can all write acrostics, they are easily done :)

And there you have it folks! Nice, simple, and easy. And if Jillian is reading this, I am just pulling your leg. I love your acrostics! SIMPLY, amazing! :)

My Character

What do you look for in a character?

Personality?

Beauty?

Wisdom?

Is she/he the spitting image of you?

Or are they the evil side in which you choose to hide?

What is the name of your character?

Does it rhyme with yours?

Is it a name of your best friend?

Is this character likable?

Do they have a tragic flaw?

So tragic that it consumes all?

Whatever this character may be,

You should always reflect it.

Be yourself, the character in this enormous book of Life.

That's Just Me

Sometimes, I dress down. Feeling a little careless you might say.

Most of the times, I dress up. I feel more comfortable that way.

The Calm Before the Storm

It happens when you are silently still.
You pay attention and watch above you.
Those white herds you see now,
aren't the ones that are coming.
Those white herds are moving;
Making way for their fierce gray cousins.
But they are peacefully moving; not causing any ruckus.
A stampede isn't necessary now;
therefore, its already coming.
Just wait and watch...
The Calm Before the Storm

Bringing Me Down

Over a thousand times,
You have told me that wounldn't make it.
You scold, you screamed,
You hollered, and you yelled,
I just couldn't take it.
Over a hundred times,
You have told me to give up,
And I wouldn't do well.
You urged, you pushed,
You shoved, you nudged.
Leaving little left to tell.
But no matter how many times
You have told me that I'll be nothing,
I just kept on going.
You were always the one who was screaming at me.
I always thought my life would be so carefree.
So, what more do you want me to be?
You see the horror in my face,
Everytime you were bringing me down.
But as they say: What comes around, goes around.

Who Am I?

I am that Lone Wolf, who howls that his moon, whether it's full or not.
I am that Lone Wolf, who strays in the woods, looking for what I had lost.
I am that Lone Wolf, who stands up for himself in the time of need.
I am that Lone Wolf, who is quiet and keep his distance.
I am that Lone Wolf, who's bark matches his bite.
I am that Lone Wolf, who waits his turn and when it's time, shows his power.

I am that Owl, who watches it's prey from a desirable distance.
I am that Owl, who is intelligent and calm.
I am that Owl, who people can seek guidance.
I am that Owl, who sleeps with his eyes open, but not from fear.
I am that Owl, who perches on a branch and seeks wisdom.
I am that Owl, who is open minded, wanting other opinions.

I am Travis, a boy who loves to write. I want to become a novelist when I grow up and would stop at nothing to do so. Maybe this is a childish dream that I am hopelessly chasing. Or maybe it will come true. All I know is, that I have to try hard in my life and do my best.

Any Pride

It's the way to show your respects,
And that's called pride. What did you expect?
You can boast it, you can throw it,
You can hurl it, and you can pass it.
Pride comes from the heart,
It's something that can never be torn apart.
It's the only thing that defines who you are,
You can come from anywhere, pride isn't to far.
You'll stand with it where ever you go,
You tell other people, so they can know.
You can wave your flags,
You can wear your du-rags.
It's representing your hometown,
That's your castle, your domain, thats whats going down.
Pride is the best thing you can grasp within your hands.
If your feeling this poem, please stand!
Pride has been with you since you were an infant!
It will forever remain, dont let anyone tell you different!

Inside Trase's Kingdom

Under the dark night's sky, he sits at his throne.
Waiting patiently; silent to the bone.
He has his thoughts in his head,
which he keeps by the side of his bed.
The bed is his Kingdom, where he sleeps peacefully.
When he wakes, the thunder roars and the lighting blinds.
Eyes wide awake; searching for something he needs to find.
He is looking for his soul that he had hopelessly lost.
Waiting for that perfect moment; I would find it any any cost.
He grabs his blade and cuts through his foes and fears.
Slashing by his dreams with his blood, sweat, and tears.
At the end of the day, the thunder still booms.
He then closes his eyes to sleep in his Kingdom; his room.

Ongoing Assement 9/1/08